BlogRead the Latest News

 

Anger Styles

Anger is inevitable. We all get angry. In fact, anger is a healthy emotion. How we express that anger can either be healthy or unhealthy. This month, I am going to discuss 6 anger styles. The first 5 are unhealthy ways that you may be expressing your anger. The last style, problem solvers, express their anger in healthy ways.

Stuffers

These people bury their anger. They bury it so deep, you probably won’t ever know that they are angry. Anger will normally manifest itself in other ways (tension headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal problems, depression, etc.).

Withdrawers

These people express their anger in subtle, indirect, passive-aggressive ways. You will probably know that they are angry, but they won’t ever tell you directly that they’re angry, or what they’re angry about. These people may verbally tell you, “I’m not talking to you”, may slam doors, let grades slip in school, etc.

Blamers

These people express their anger by blaming other people for their problems, and their anger. They may often name call or put other people down. These people don’t ever take responsibility for their problems, or their feelings of anger. It is always someone else’s fault.

Trianglers

These people express their anger by bringing in a third party to the argument/conflict. These people don’t express their anger directly to the person they are angry with, and instead bring in a third party person to get angry at the first person for them. This is often times seen during a divorce, in having the child get angry with the other parent, when the parents are really arguing about something that has nothing to do with the child.

Exploders

These people express their anger aggressively, and sometimes violently. These people stuff their feelings, and bottle them up until one day they explode, due to suppressed feelings of resentment. This doesn’t help to solve the problem, but usually creates more tension and distance.

***Problem Solvers***

 These people express their anger in a healthy way. These people look at what feeling is actually causing the anger (fear, sadness, rejection, etc.). They put thoughts between their feelings and behaviors. They express what is bothering them, when it is bothering them, rather than stuffing it down, and possibly exploding later. Anger can be expressed through talking it out. However, if that is not an option, other healthy coping skills are used (deep breathing, physical exercise, etc.).

In a previous blog, I talked about “I” statements, when discussing assertive communication. This technique is also a great skill to use when expressing your anger, especially with a partner or parent. Remember, anger is a healthy emotion. It is how we express that anger, that determines whether or not the behavior itself is healthy.

-Rachel Falbo

Balanced Life

In the hustle and bustle that goes along with Summer vacation, it can be hard to really live the balanced life that we so desperately desire.  Summer camps, work, extracurricular activities, family vacations, wedding season, and deadlines, mean sometimes our life can get lopsided. So how do we get the balanced life that we crave? Below are six areas that are needed to help us live our life in a healthy fulfilling way!

Social - Need for friendship, for companionship

Physical - Need for sleep, food, and exercise

Emotional - Need for love, for praise, for feeling worthwhile

Spiritual - Need to know that we are part of something bigger than ourselves and that we can increase our awareness of it and the sensitivity to it

Intellectual - Need for intellectual stimulation, for thinking new thoughts, for learning something new

Creative - Need to make something, to dance, to write a poem, to create something

A balanced life doesn’t happen overnight. It is something that I work on every day. A balanced life starts with making a healthy, conscious decision every day to work on you, and put you first!

-Rachel Falbo

Positive Coping Skills

Sometimes it can be really hard to cope with life’s struggles. This month’s blog will focus on healthy coping skills. Below are nine different ways that we can cope in a healthy way.

Calming Skills: Techniques which slow the body processes down

  • Deep breathing
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Muscle relaxation

Self-Soothing: Activities which activate the senses (Vision, hearing, smell, taste, and touch)

  • Viewing art
  • Setting out flowers
  • Lighting a scented candle
  • Playing music
  • Drinking hot cocoa
  • Eating your favorite food
  • Taking a hot bath
  • Applying scented body lotion
  • Looking at a favorite photograph
  • Drinking ice cold water

Distracting Activities: Actions that take your mind away from the stressor

  • Cleaning
  • Watching your favorite movie
  • Hobbies
  • Computer/Video games
  • Dining out, Puzzle
  • Humor
  • Television
  • YouTube
  • Organizing
  • Folding clothes
  • Reading
  • Family games
  • Gardening

Improve the Moment: Tools that can help you connect with your internal peace

  • Imagery
  • Meaning
  • Meditation
  • Relaxation
  • Be in the moment
  • Ride the wave
  • Mindfulness

Connecting with Others: Reaching out to others to obtain support

  • Visit/Telephone a friend
  • Talk with family
  • Attend an organized event
  • Talk in a group
  • See a therapist

Thinking Skills: Changing thought patterns to increase rational/constructive thought

  • Positive Affirmations
  • Challenging thoughts
  • Awareness journaling
  • Positive self-talk
  • Thought stopping
  • Weighing pros and cons
  • Big picture

Releasing Skills: Opportunities for releasing energy related to anxiety or anger

  • Writing
  • Dancing
  • Running
  • Scrubbing the floor
  • Bicycling
  • Hitting a pillow
  • Holding ice
  • Throwing rice

Communication Skills: Using effective communication skills to improve relationships

  • Assertive communication
  • Listening
  • Time out technique
  • “I” statements

Contributing: Gaining a sense of purpose/satisfaction from helping those in need

  • Assist someone with a task
  • Volunteer
  • Do something surprising/thoughtful

Remember that all of these won’t necessarily work for you. Be ready to try something new!

-Rachel

Healthy Thinking

As promised, this month’s blog will be Healthy Thinking to piggy back off of last month’s post on Unhealthy Thinking. Below is a list of 8 ways to battle those unhealthy thoughts from last month:

Thought Stopping: Say “out” or “not right now” to every negative thought that comes to mind. Visualize “delete” or “bookmarking it” and come back to it later.

Thought Substitution: Make a conscious decision to think about something that is calming to you, like your favorite song, or activity.

Debating, Disputing, and Challenging Your Thoughts: Where is the evidence? Is this thought true or valid? How does this thought or belief serve my best interest?

Coping Statements: Say things like “This too shall pass” “I am doing the best that I can” “It’s hard, but not too hard.”

Positive Affirmations: Remember all the great things about yourself, because there’s a lot! “I am a good person” “I accept myself” “I have so much to offer.”

Review of Goals: Focus on your goals, and what it looks like achieving your goals, rather than the obstacles in the way.

Reframing: Find a new and more positive meaning to the negative thought. Look at it differently through a new lens.

Guided Imagery: Imagine yourself feeling and thinking differently. Don’t just visualize it. Hear it, smell it, feel it, and taste it.

Again, remember that our thoughts have so much power. They directly effect how we feel and behave. So, decide if you’re going to give power to the unhealthy, or healthy thoughts.

Happy Thinking!

-Rachel

Sign Up for Our Newsletter!

* indicates required

Quick Contact

Flower Mound Counseling, PLLC
2901 Corporate Circle, Ste 100
Flower Mound, TX, 75028
(972)910-2044
info@flomocounseling.com